Homer for coach

With absolutely no reluctance at all, without concern for friends and family, Homer is gleefully putting his hat into the ring for position of Coach - Team BCCI.

Here are his qualifications -

1. Resident of the USA - Hello "We need a foreign coach" lobby

2. Indian passport holder - Hello " Only an Indian can do the job of coach"lobby

3. No International cricketing background - A bow in the direction of John Buchanan. In fact, unless you consider rubber ball under arm with "one bounce outs" and "six and out" and "full toss on the wall is out" as the real deal, he has no cricketing experience at all.

4. Willing to work with players - Not only willing to work with players, willing to do the players work. Homer is a guy who had famously offered to be the lift man at Sportsfield. He will be more than willing to carry the players kit bags (coffins), run their laps for them, keep tossing balls at them during nets all day and then runs their laps for them, substitute for them during catch practice and the run their laps for them, make tea and biscuit mandatory before and after every net and then run laps - you get the drift..

5. Manage players - Like every fan worth his two paisa, Homer will go above and beyond the call of duty and pander to player egos. Homer does fawning adulation better than most.

6. Blogger and so experience in handling media matters - Newspaper wallah's/ TV wallah's khush

7. Resident of Mumbai -Namaskaar Ravi dada Shastri, Diliprao Vengsarkar, Param Pujya Shri Sunilraoji Gavaskar, Mananiya Shri Sharadchandraji Raoji Pawarji.

8. Refers to self in the third person - Shades of Michael Vaughan.. And we know what Vaughan did to those vagabonds from Down Under because they lacked manners.

9. Willing to work with coaching staff - Will play catch with Robin Singh ( since there will be no one else to who will be willing to).. Will work long with Venky Prasad to learn the nuances of bowling juicy half volleys and juicier full tosses at the nets.

10. Work with the BCCI - $20,000 a month is $20,000 too many for a role any lay person on the streets of India is willing to do.Especially when lodging and boarding come free with the job. He will not complain of crowded itineraries- who does not like to fly business class for free and bump up their frequent flier miles? And who in their right minds will say no to staying in luxurious hotels with stocked liquor cabinets?

11. Brilliant with Power Point - who does not like jazzy presentations with lots of buzz words thrown in?
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Homer will do a stellar job of coaching the team. In fact, he will let the team coach him. And I have already started stocking up on the sledges we will use against the Poms.

Doni, Rahul, VVS, repeat after me - "Kev Pieterson has no taste - in women".

PS:- Sportsfield is a building in Mumbai that houses the whoz who of Mumbai cricket.